Note: I don't know exactly when this was written; the date on this post is just an estimate.

I used to think making a mix tape was easy. You just grab your CDs, pick a few favorite tracks and hit record. Then I tried to make one.

The thing about a mix tape, a good one anyway, is that it's not just a collection of tracks. There's got to be a point, or a message. You might make a tape for an upcoming road trip, which would include songs about driving or reaching a destination. You might make a tape for Monday morning, which might have loud, up-tempo music to wake you up. Or you might make a tape for someone else, which is what I did.

When you're making a tape for someone else, its important to have some knowledge of what kind of music they like; they're supposed to enjoy listening to it. Also important is to expose the other person to music they aren't familiar with but might enjoy. Depending on the person you're making it for, you might also try to have a message, which in my case is "I find you attractive, we should go out."

Making a tape with these elements becomes very personal. Track selection is important because you want to make sure you're sending the right message, and also because the songs you pick are going to reveal your personality.

When I sat down to make this tape, I had one song to guide me: She said she liked "Velouria," by Weezer (a Pixies cover). It may not seem like much, but it's more helpful than it looks. I knew I wouldn't be putting any techno or dance music on the tape. Hip-hop would also be a no-no in this case. Since she didn't originally know the song was a Pixies cover, I knew I had to have their version on it as well. That's two songs in the bag, and on a 60-minute tape, only about 16 more to go.

What makes choosing songs difficult is finding songs that support your message without going overboard. When looking through my Pixies songs to include, I knew I couldn't include "La La Love You." Sure, it might get the point across, but that's like proposing marriage when all you want to do is go on a date. Walking that line was the most difficult part of the tape. I wanted it to be obvious that I was interested in her without going too far.

I tried including songs that might have some relevance. I included "My Baby Loves Some Authors" by Moxy Fruvous, because we went to a local bookstore/cafe the evening before. Moxy Fruvous have a very unique sound, and this song is probably the biggest departure from the alternative format of the rest of the tape, so I tucked it at the end of Side A.

After I finished recording and wrote down the track listing to include in the cassette case, I paced around a bit before getting the nerve to actually present it to her. I finally did after stuttering a short introduction. It was then that I became a bit concerned. It turned out she didn't have a tape player. Crap. However, she was heading home for the weekend and has a cassette deck there. Yay.

After the noneventful presentation of the tape, I went out with some other friends to see a movie. When I got back, I went down to "Joe's" room to play some GTA3. This is where I first met her, and she was there hanging out with "Joe" and another guy, "Don." Anyway, after I sit down, Don says "What was that tape you gave her? There was some song about books and authors..." referring to the Fruvous song. He also said the word "retarded" in relation to said song.

I felt like crap. Here was this immensely personal project being presented in front of people who were certainly not the target audience... On the other hand, they're her friends and a tape-player was present so it was the logical conclusion. Despite the logical rationalization, I still felt betrayed. By listening to it in that environment, did she get the message? Did she get the message at all, whether in that environment or not? Did they see the message? I felt like my feelings were on display in a gallery and the viewers were all whispering, but I can't tell what about.

Unfortunately, I still don't know what *she* thought of the tape -- which certainly is more important than what anyone else thinks -- I don't know if I ever will.

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